yesterday i moved the bulk of my shit out of my dorm and back home. (5 hours of moving...ew) Then after i came back to the dorm i stayed up 'til 4 writing an extra credit paper for art to try and earn some points back for attendance (every 3 tardies= 10 pts off of final grade. And 3 tardies equals an absence) My professor has recorded 3.5 absences, but i'm positive i havent been tardy or absent that many times.

I woke up at 7 to turn in my art portfolio, and came back to my dorm and slept for almost 5 hours straight. That's what happens when you do 5 hours of moving, 4 hours of matting, and 2 hours of working on papers. I worked from 1 o'clock pm to 2:30am doing my moving, matting, and typeing...ew.

i went to mat 4 of my best art pieces and round up 6 other good pieces from the semester. I really hope i dont get a C in the class because of being 1 minute (literally) late to a few classes. I mean, if a professor is going to do that, he could at least be on time or 10 min. early to class. puh.

tomorrow is my last official day of school for about a year (maybe). and I don't know what's going on with this whole AmeriCorps thing. I really dont want to go home. there is too much stress there. I'm having this huge urge to clean out the house single-handedly. It really needs to be done. I've lived away from home for the majority of about 2 years now and the mass of mess at home just gotten worse (along with the mass of stress). It's funny cause there's only one kid living there on a regular basis and it's still a mess.

but, back to the school thing. I have an art history final tomorrow that i've been studying for since about 4:30 today. I also have a 5 paragraph diagnostic paper in english 2 tomorrow. That should be a breeze after writing a 5 page paper explaining how Donnie Darko is the perfect example of a modern day hero according to Joseph Campbell's 'A Hero's Journey'. I also get my last paper back tomorrow from english. i think i rocked it. I'm expecting an 'A' *crosses fingers :P

On the upside, i thoroughly enjoyed my psych class. Kunkel is an awesome teacher. he really did change my life in respects to as i view people and the way they act. It's easier for me not to get so mad at people that i thought were just being flat out stupid. Just break it down with some psych talk. I hope i get a B in his class. He knows i can talk about psych because of the journals and papers i've written and also the questions and topics i bring up during class.

i need to read/study some more but my eyes want to close. I should go read more before my body totally gives in for the night.

i'm starting to think that 2012 could be a possibility.
I mean, we're in a recession, the swine flu is attacking America right after we get over the bird flu (or are we still battling it?) there are 11 states that have been infected as of today as opposed to the 5 that were infected yesterday, and people are attacking each other with paint scrapers.

everyone brace yourselves, the world is about to be cleansed.

I just had the last lecture class with my psychology teacher. I think he is one of the most amazing people i've ever met. My friend James was right, Dr. Kunkel did change my life. I appreciate him so much. I hope i get to take another class of his if i come back to UWG just for the hell of it.

hands down the best professor i've ever had. I'm actually sad that his class is over. that's never happened with any other class i've taken before.

sooo

i FINALLY finished my last english paper last night

today is the last day of Art History and English CLASS then i have finals next week. WEE

i need to find a job because the people at the NCH office aren't getting in touch with me for my interviews, and i dont know what's up. I called the main office and talked to someone. They said the Michael stoops guy was in his office, but he never picked up. SO they left him a message, and he never called me back....and that was yesterday morning. blah.

i went to a music show today at the hanger gym.
it was fun. very loud, but fun.

i need to stop being such a hermit, and so self conscious. I forget sometimes how much fun it is to open up and meet new people.


i still havent heard back from AmeriCorps.

i have 4 papers due by the end of the month.
One 5 page paper for English 1102 (i'm feelin good about that one)
1 or 2 extra credit papers for Drawing (to i wont fail the damn class) I dont understand art teachers that compare their students work to each other (especially in a drawing one class) when some of the students have never taken a drawing class before. Everyone is obv. in different levels with their drawing.
and i have one extra credit paper due in psychology so i can try to get a B in the class.


THEN i have to study for 3 finals...those are coming up in about a week. =/

I dont understand the relationships i've been seeing. first of all, why the heck would anyone want to tie themselves down to a person for "the rest of their lives" when they're only in their early 20s. MARRIAGE DOESNT HAVE TO BE THE NEXT STEP IN YOUR LIFE. ESPECIALLY if you've only been dating the person for like 2 months. Marriage shouldn't even be an option yet. it's like people force marriage on themselves like it's urgent. It's okay if you dont find someone to get married to right away. You have the rest of your life to get married. Why dont you try establishing yourself and doing something good for the world before you marry someone you probably really dont like, and have kids with them. EXPERIENCE THE WORLD. there's too much out there to act like there is some type of schedule to abide by.

i was reading this blog on SoulPancake.com. There was a question that stated, "Why do marriage go bad faster than mayonase in a hot car." (i know, funny question) One of the responses that i read really clicked and i think it has a lot of truth to it. The person, in a nutshell, stated that marriage go bad so quickly because people expect everything to be quick and easy, like our technology. I mean think about it. We have 'instant' messaging, 'instant' texts, 'instant' dinner, etc. etc... We have become so dependant on technology that we expect everything, even relationships and marriage, to be a quick and easy thing. We expect to meet someone and have an 'instant' connection (or "love at first sight")

NO that's NOT how it works. The reason why so many elderly people have been with their spouses for so long is because they have been through tough times together. Everything wasnt happy and perfect,and flowers and roses shit. they had to WORK and technology has made everyone so lazy, even with love. I know i'm not ready commit to anyone for the rest of my life, and i probably wont be for a really long time. The thought of being in a relationship right now seems like a good IDEA, but i really dont think i'm ready to commit to anyone. Honestly, i just think i'm too selfish with my time. there are other factors too, but i think that's the main one.

ANYWAYS...
time to go work on my papers.
ah...i feel better. :)

i didnt know that being unemployed for a year meant that you're (1) on "vacation" and (2) not supposed to worry about your last child's student loans. (3) can be a lazy ass and not cook dinner for your family when you're home all fucking day

I understand that we are all in a pickle financially, but that doesnt give you reason to start being lazy with finances. When you decide to have 4 children and you decide to buy a house, and cars, and other things that you want to indulge in, you are SUPPOSED to take responsibility for all of those things. dont punish your family because you're getting "tired of being a parent" (which is what it seems like) I'm sorry that you're emotionally retarded, but you still have responsibilities, and children to put through college.

yes, i know we all aren't geniuses and we didnt come out of high school with 4.0 GPAs, but everyone isnt blessed with extraordinary smarts. You've put 3 of your 4 living children through at leasst 2 years of college, dont hold out on your last child because you've become lazy/embarrassed/even more proud about your lack of a professional position in the work world right now.

fuck....

i wish i wasnt such a hermit.

i found a lady but with no spots on it today. it kept trying to fly, but had no success. But it's wings didnt look hurt. maybe it was a baby ladybug.

i hate this recession. I got some bad news from my mother (because of this damn recession, and stupid people) and i woke up that night at like 5:30 in the morning with a panic attack. I was burning up, but when i checked the thermostat it was set to 70 degrees. and i couldnt stop thinking about all of the negative things. Panic attacks only come to haunt me in the middle of the night...=-/

i even started unintentionally crying in front of my art teacher because i coudnt afford matt board. How embarrassing. =•X

this week was pretty bad. one of the worst i've had in a very long time...but i dont feel like embelishing anymore...

I'm going to read some more of "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". Then after i'm done with that i'm going to start reading "The Catcher in the Rye" I've head it was good. It it keeps poping up in a lot of the books i've been reading and a few movies.

anywho, off to read.

i turned in my americorps application either thursday or friday.
Now i need to look for a place to live in atlanta and prepare myself to move.

more responsibility = scary.

but i need this.

i'm pretty positive my journey in carrollton has run it's course and i kinda feel like i'm at a dead end right now. It really doesn't feel like there's anything left for me here except for my family and some great friends...but nothing more.

carrollton is really like a black hole.

20 years is way too long for someone to be in one spot, and i seriously need to make my way out.

I've been sitting on my couch in my dorm for about 4 hours (almost straight) look at Americorps programs and filling out applications and researching other charitable organizations and it feels like carrollton is sucking out all of my happiness and potential and motivation. I could be doing so much more some where else...

i need out..